So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
