whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
