Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
