I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
