My nipple is on Facebook.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
