oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
