my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
how drunk are you?
Several
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize