you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
