I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
