My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
