I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
