Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
