Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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