In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
