I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize