Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
