So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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