Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
