I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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