this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
