How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
