She's JV to your varsity
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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