i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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