I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You left your phone here
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