I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize