I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
