I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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