I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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