sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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