According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
