Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
