Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
