Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
