my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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