well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize