; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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