the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
two words...techno handjob
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
