She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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