just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize