I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
