You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
