He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
