Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
