I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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