I'm laying in your front yard are you home
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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