I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
