he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
