24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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