drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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