just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
foreskin is a definite game changer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
