I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
