My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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