I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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