you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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