dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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