I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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