they need to just BURY HIM!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
