dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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