I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
