She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
