people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
