I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would ride that face into the sunset
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
