I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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