I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
