so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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