She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
