you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
