ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
handjob tips. give me some.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
