when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize