just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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