i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize