Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
