I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
