Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
