He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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