oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
