I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
