This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
that is very illegal...i love you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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