So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize