I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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