My cat gives me a boner
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
