the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
