I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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