I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
