If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
