He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
