How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
