He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize