I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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