we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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