he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
