I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
