A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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