i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize