im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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