dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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