the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you.
Bad choice
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