Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
