Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
