So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
