So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
