the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize